Pleasant Memories
by Stitchpunk
Summary: "Did you know that even though nobody but me can see them, I still have chains on my wrists from being locked up? No one can ever know, not even my perfect sun." Thoughts concerning each other. Love can be true, secret, and known. 93 39
1. From his Baka Saru

I remember what it was like when you first held my hand, freeing me of my cold imprisonment. Pure bliss, that's what. I was free and I finally had my perfect sun to keep with me forever and ever. I remember the first thing I did was pick up the dusted bones of the yellow bird I had been keeping, and I buried them in the meadow right near my cage. Did you know that even though nobody but me can see them, I still have chains on my wrists from being locked up? They didn't melt all the way, and I know why, but I can't tell you, I can't tell anyone. No one can ever know, not even my perfect sun.

I still remember when you would take me out into the fields at first, just so I could pick flowers for you. It used to annoy you so much when I would put a string of daisies on you head like a crown. But you were so cute I couldn't resist. You still are, but I can't tell you that either. You stopped taking me out a little while ago, when we all started on this journey. I never told you, but I still miss those times. You seemed relaxed then, but only when we were in the fields outside of the temple. I know you got in trouble with the other monks for leaving, but every time I asked to go out, you went with me. Those were the best times I've ever had. And you forgot them, my perfect sun.

Now you always seem so mad at me. It makes me so sad to think that maybe you don't like me anymore. I know you'd deny ever liking me at all, but I can tell you used to. Now I can't tell if it's just an act for the other two, or if you're irritated by the quest, or if you truly, deeply despise me. I get so depressed sometimes, I even cry myself to sleep on most days, but nobody ever notices. I make sure of it. And if by chance someone does, I play it off enough so that they'll believe me, because nobody can know what you mean to me, especially not my perfect sun.

Gojyo noticed that I've been silent for nearly a half an hour, he plays it off so it seems like he doesn't care, but I can tell he's worried about me. I say it's nothing, but he won't take such an answer. He keeps asking and asking and asking, until finally I just can't stand it anymore! I yell at him and I yell at Hakkai, but what hurts me most is, without even noticing it, I yelled at my perfect sun.

Immediately I cover my mouth, trying to cover up a chocked sob. But now Gojyo feels bad, even though it's not his fault, even though I brought it upon myself. I sit down and curl up, withdrawing into myself for the rest of the day, I don't even open up enough to eat. I'm making you all worry, making my closest friends, my only family, worry about me. Silly little worthless me. I don't understand why I'm getting so upset now, I couldn't explain it if you asked me. You all watch as I silently make my way up the stairs of the random inn we're staying at, slipping into my bedroom to cry myself to sleep again. But I notice one little thing at the last second, someone is watching me that usually brushes me off as mere dust; it's my perfect sun.

I lay on my bed and I think of times long since past, times that can never be repeated. Too many things have changed, too many people have changed, and so, it will never be the same old simple, happy life again. I turn over, crushing my face in my pillow, crying desperately for those good old times again, when you would smile at me when I played in the fields, when you would silently applaud my outgoingness and my cheer. You'll never hold me again, like you used to at night, when I would cry at my horrible tortured past. You would comfort me and tell me it was all right now, because you saved me, my perfect sun.

And now I hear you, quietly, almost silently, padding across my floor. Are you coming to hold me? Are you going to stroke your delicate fingers through my hair? Are you going to say 'It's all right.' and make my tears run out? You wouldn't, not now, not ever again. Why can't I get over my memories and my urges, for you to, just once, tell me you'll always be there for me, and that you'll never let me be alone again? Except I'm alone now, alone in my sorrow, and alone in my need for you to hold me once again, and never let me go. All because you are my perfect sun.

But then you surprise me, and you do the very last thing I ever expected. You sit on my bed and you lift me up and you hold me to your chest. I cry and I cry and I can't believe this is happening. I cry for days gone past, and days yet to come and you just hold me and rock me, in your own silent comfort. You stroke my hair, and you whisper your quiet mantra, telling me that everything will turn out okay in the end, things will only get better from here on out. Just like old times, when I would sit in the lap of my perfect sun.

I look up at your face and I can see that you are now scowling, but just for a second, I saw that you were smiling at me. Just for me to see, and nobody else in the world. It was almost as if I were still my innocent, freedom-loving, food obsessed self, and you were still your gentle, delicate, rule-breaking self, intent on making me smile and laugh, just so you could watch me playing, and hoping desperately that you would join in the fun I was having, all by myself. I remember one time you did play with me, you made me a string of daisies that I dried and I kept forever and ever since. I still have it; I keep it hidden away from everyone else, because it is only for me to keep, and you to see, though I still haven't shown it to you since you made it for me. I smile at you, because you were, even for only a second, you were remembering me, too. And not only that, but you were smiling as you did, because you must want those simple days back, too, so you can always be my perfect sun.

And then, I read in your eyes, that you love me, and you want me to be happy again. You don't want to ever see my tears, because you don't ever want me to be sad. And all because I was crying, because of something I brought upon myself. I was foolish and young, and yet, you still try to comfort me, try to make me my normal cheerful, fun-loving self again. You always were the one of us that understood, the one who could figure me out when not even I could. And then you whisper something that I can't believe, you whisper that I am your one, your only, your love. And I finally realize just how much I love, no, not love, am _in_ love, with my perfect sun.

And I can't believe it, even though I know it is true. I cry once more, but this time you smile at my tears, because I am finally happy, and I whisper to you, 'I love you, my perfect sun.

And then a tremendous weight was lifted off my wrists. I looked and I saw that the remains of those long forgotten chains were finally gone, all because I had confessed what I had been dying to say to my perfect sun.


	2. From his Perfect Sun

I remember when he kept calling me and calling me, giving me headaches for days on end. I tried to ignore him and go on with my life, not really knowing what to do. But then I remembered what the last Sanzo had said to me, he said that should someone call to me, I should go find them and help them. I said to him that I would kill them for annoying me so when I found the stupid pathetic person. He said that I had called out to him, and he had said the same thing to his master, but when he saw me, he had to help. So I went off to find what I would later call my baka saru.

So I followed the sound of his pitiful voice, I followed him all the way to a mountain, where everything was perfect and beautiful. The sun was shining and the grass was green, but there was one thing that just didn't fit at all. There, in the middle of the field, was a dark cave mad of black stone. It cast a dreary shadow in the hillside, making it seem unfit for the beauty surrounding it. I went up and I looked inside, making sure to keep to the side of a few dusted bones near the entrance. And there he was, sitting all lonely inside, the pathetic form of my baka saru.

I reached out to him as he did to me and I realized that my master was right. There was no way on earth that I could ever possibly kill this thing. As soon as he raised his hands, the chains holding him in place broke away, but the shackles remained, transparent as they may be, never ceasing to weight him down. The bars melted into nothingness as I grasped his hand and led him out. I started to go back down the mountain, back to the temple where we could have a rest. But that kid made me wait while he buried the bones outside his cage, and I realized how important life was to my baka saru.

Right then, I decided I would never let him loose his faith in life, as I had done so long ago. I would give him what he wanted and let him live his life according to how he saw fit. I would make sure he stayed alive and happy, like he was meant to be. I would sneak fruit for him, let him do as he pleased even if it did piss off those terrible monks. I didn't like them anyways. I remember that his favorite activity was to go up to the hillside where he was kept, or any hillside for that matter, just so long as there were flowers. Daisies in particular. He would string them together making elaborate ropes, or, his favorite, stringing them as a crown and pacing them on my head. I thought it was sweet in all its simplicity, but I never let you know that. Because you were having too much fun, my baka saru.

But I did not keep my promise to myself. Somehow, you have become unhappy with me. You curl up and cry every night, it seems. And just today you were so sad in your melancholy ways. You sighed and you cried and you yelled at us three, only succeeding in upsetting yourself further. And then, that night, you did not even eat, instead settling for going away, up to your room to sulk in that pitiful way of yours, and I was sad, because you are my baka saru.

I waited for a while, listening to the kappa and the demon try to devise ways to make you cheerful again, but I knew none of their ideas would ever work. Because I knew why you were so unhappy these days. I had upset you with my cold and uncaring apathetic ways. So I sighed and bit back all my woes and worries of saving you, and all because I didn't want to be a failure, or so I thought. I went up to you room as quietly as I could and my heart broke in two as I saw you lying there sobbing on that cot not fit for such a king, much less my baka saru.

I saw you look up hopefully in that hopeless way of yours, and my heart shattered when I saw what I had made you become. So now the only thing for me to do was to make you perfect again. Perfect and cheerful and smiling like you always do. So I went to the bed and I saw that the shackles you wore were becoming ever so much more, growing links upon links and connecting to your heart. So I went and I held you, trying to make the tears go away, because I wanted you to be perfect again, be my baka saru.

And you were happy and cheerful, but not enough so. So I finally realized what I knew I was meant to do, ever since I first laid eyes on you. I whispered what you meant to me, what you were to me. I whispered about how you were my one, my only, my love, my world, my existence, my everything. And you nearly stopped breathing from shock and from love and you cry once more, but this time from happiness, and you say something to me, gracing me with the voice of my baka saru.

You whisper back to me, 'I love you, my perfect sun.' and I look and I see that the chains and the shackles have finally left your perfect body forever and ever and I smile at you because I have finally made you happy, my baka saru.


End file.
